Pip and Estella Essay Example for Free

Pip and Estella Essay Chapter 33 opens with Pip again showing how obsessed he is with Estella. He says however, even in my eyes suggesting that he realises that he sees her in a better light than anybody else for example Herbert says in chapter 22: Shes a Tartar. Pip notices a change in her mannerisms in this visit, only the second time the two have met since adulthood. Pip again shows that he knows she is different around him to around other people as he says, cared to let it be to me, he seems to know, or at least believe that she is ruder, more insulting and supercilious in Pips company than that of people in her social circle, or of class. Throughout this chapter and chapter 29, even though both Pip and Estella are adults now, we see the influence of Miss Havisham. Estella blames her actions upon her being made to follow the unknown orders of Miss Havisham; and I write in obedience to it suggests that Estella is otherwise unwilling to have any contact with Pip at all, and she wants him to know this. Estella also says; We have no choice, you and I, but to obey our instructions. We are not free to follow our own devices, you and I. which suggests that she is unhappy. This is interpreted badly by Pip as to mean that she wants more between them than is allowed, whereas she could mean exactly the opposite. Pip recognises however her reluctance and an awkward air of orders being carried out when he says; She drew her arm through mine, as if it must be done As a child Miss Havisham always encouraged Pip to like Estella with influential dialogue such as And never see her again, though she is so pretty? . But it becomes dramatically apparent that Estella wants to discourage Pip from following Miss Havishams encouragements; Will you never take warning? Or do you kiss my hand in the spirit I once let you kiss my cheek? and although she seems to have started off the visit quite mannered and nicer to Pip she soon returns to arrogant and supercilious with lines such as; you must not expect me to go to school to you; I must talk in my own way. which also suggests that she is trying to distance herself from Pip. However she does seem to show a trust and dependence upon Pip when she entrusts him with her purse and although she does so coldly, holds his arm. Is that just a way to lure him? Pip is well aware that she tries to lure him as he says in Chapter 29 She treated me as a boy still, but she lured me on. But even this sense of Estella trying to manipulate Pip as Pip now knows is the plan of Miss Havisham does not dissuade him as he says; It was impossible for me to avoid seeing that she cared to attract me; and that she made herself winning; and would have won me even if the task had needed pains. he obviously knows the intentions of Miss Havisham to wreak revenge on all the male sex when he continues with she held my heart in her hand because it would have wrung any tenderness in her, to crush it and throw it away. In Chapter 33 she calls Pip a silly boy as a derogatory term, echoing earlier episodes when she regularly referred to him, although a peer as boy. Although actually for the first time in the novel she also called him Pip. Is this Estella purposely trying to make Pip think they are closer or their relationship has changed in some way, maybe more intimate than before in the novel. Throughout the chapter Estella remains quite composed and a strong character whilst Pip explicitly hints at his feelings towards Estella and drifts off into daydreams; having forgotten everything but herself, he obviously has stronger feeling towards her than her feeling to him, if she has any at all, which, although hinted at have not been explicitly shown. Even when we do see a hint that Estella does have feelings for Pip, we must also remember that Pip, as narrator, is biased, as wishful thinking possibly. As a very small point, but one that may show a point in the story of importance, Estella says kiss my cheek whereas Pip says kiss the cheek could this be Pip trying to distance himself from Estella, show a hardening to her temptations? Pip says; Her reverting to this tone as if our association were forced upon us gave me pain Whatever her tone with me happened to be, I could put no trust in it, and build no hope on it; which tells the reader that he is hardening to her effects, but Pip obviously adores her too much when he continues; I went on against trust and hope continuing the idea that he does not just love her, but has become obsessed by Estella. However, it is made explicitly obvious that she can certainly live without Pip and intends to do so. But she continues to, obvious to the reader if not to Pip, encourage his beliefs of her mutual feelings when she says indeed you are already mentioned which suggests to Pip that he is considered by Estella often, although we do not know who mentioned Pip, as it could just be the plans of Miss Havisham for Pip to visit. If the reader views Estella as completely manipulative and heartless, then this being the first time in the novel that she calls Pip by his name could be seen as Estella trying to drag Pip further into her net and Pip realise this, although he still continues to let it work. Chapter 33 is a key point where Pip realises Estellas true intentions, or at least begins to see through her plans. Show preview only The above preview is unformatted text This student written piece of work is one of many that can be found in our GCSE Great Expectations section.

Britain During The Victorian Era Criminology Essay

Britain During The Victorian Era Criminology Essay When convicted criminal were transported to Pentonville they were required to leave all their clothes and personal belongings to a member of the prison staff. The next step of the entering process was the prisoner to have a specific type of bath. The purpose of it was not to actually clean their flesh, but to wash off their criminal background. Furthermore, every single prisoner was required to have their heads shaven. They were also supplied with uniforms which were with different colours and marks according to the longevity of their sentence. Though, in the first few decades of the institutions establishment the prisoners were not provided with underwear. According to the visits the prisoners were allowed to have, the measure is considered to be extremely harsh. In addition, they were only one visit every six months. The reason for this was to tear them away from the outside-world as much as possible. Moreover, every visit was observed by a prison officer in order avoid prisoners t o be hand items in by the visitor and it was lasting for only 15 minutes. Every letter that a prisoner was receiving or sending was read by a member of the prison staff. Furthermore, mentioning of other prison or anything about the prison was prohibited. In 1865 was introduced a strict daily routine which included eight hours of work.  [2]  A bell was waking the up at 5:45 a.m., followed by some time for exercise and then work. The daily routine also included visiting the chapel, having meals and sending the prisoners to bed at 8:00 p.m. They were visiting the chapel on daily basis in order to turn them into better persons and erase any criminal thoughts in their minds. To compare with other prisons in Britain, Pentonville was having considerably better conditions. For example the health state of the prisoners in Pentonville was well better than those in Millbank and Newgate. Also, for example the inmates in Millbank were made to work more hours than those in Pentonville.  [3]    The cells were often described as extremely depressing due to poor lightening. Also, the prisoners had to experience temperature differences, as being hot in the summer and cold in the winter. The beds in the cells were not provided with mattresses, unless the prisoner was aged 50 or over. Each cell was provided with certain items such as hammock, broom, chair, corner shelf, broom, bucket, table, corner-shelf, bible and a towel. When there was an inspection in progress all the prisoners must had every item in a particular place. The original design of Pentonville was to have 520 cells, comparing to Millabank which was having 1000. Considering the medical care in the prison, a medic was required to visit Pentonville two times every week. His responsabilities were to observe prisoners health state and also to keep a record of every individual. According to the prisons harsh policy and strictness, controversial fact is that the medical staff had the authority to prescribe tobacco or alc ohol to prisons. It has been suggested that Pentonville was meant to serve as model prison in second half of the 19th century and it must work like a machine. The main idea of the separate system was not only to punish people who committed crime, but also ensure that they will not end up imprisoned again. The institution was trying to convert the criminal convicts into dutiful and hard working individuals, and reintroduce them to the society. Which however it did not always work, as a report claims that that some 30% of the prisoners were serving sentence more than once.  [4]   Not every individual who was convicted of a convict offence was recognized as a convict. On the other hand who had committed a minor offence should be recognized as a prisoner. A minor offence might accord a sentence of from days to a maximum of two years without work. A minimum offence for penal servitude was three years that increased to five years in 1864 for first offence but seven years for each consecutive offences. The last five decades of the nineteenth century saw the development of deterrence. Edmund Ducane was in charge of convict prisons and additionally the head of the prison commission. In 1877, the Prison Act was bypassed and allowed the prison arrangements to come to be increasingly centralised and uniformed. Sean McConville has suggested the years 1850-1900 as being the most restraint in the history of prisons. The formation of Pentonville prison gave to the rise of deterrence. Pentonville was both architecturally and the mile stone for all prisons and was recognized as the ideal prison.. The 1877 Prison Act managed to countless closures of innate prisons due to them becoming below the governments control. This is a close, confined, ill- crafted prison, and extremely badly situated: as there is ample room for all the prisoners in the County prison at Southwell House of Correction, that is a extremely superior prison and inside facile admission, it appears a most un-necessary price ret aining it. Sir Edmund Du Cane enforced the Prison Act of 1865 that abolished the distinction amid prisons and institutions of correction. All prisons were deprived of their autonomous power and severe laws were in use, each of the prison powers who declined to comply alongside the new laws had their power allowance seized away from them. Local prisons were then needed to grasp prison sentences for up to two years rather than those that were merely awaiting prosecution, debtors and doomed prisoners.  [5]   Not all prisons presented the warders with accommodation but the bulk did. They were additionally needed to wear uniforms but what uniform they were endowed depended merely on their ranks. They were additionally delivered alongside a truncheon for protection and protection reasons. This locale might be a extremely hazardous job due to prisoners being able to use the instruments that they worked with as weapons. Their obligations were lacking a mistrust, extremely difficult. It has been stated that a real sense that wanders were themselves prisoners both inside and beyond the walls, for far of the off obligation existence was additionally supervised, encompassing their housing identifies that their job locale was ongoing and they were never off duty. They were constantly under surveillance just like the prisoners were. Additionally their job was extremely demanding and in 1865 there was a report stating that 1000 wardens to cope alongside an average prison populace of 8,000 that works out at roughly 8 prisoners each warden. Convict prisoners should be on obligation from 6am till 9pm and they were merely allowed dates off every single supplementary Sunday so the warden had to be a stable character as they had to tolerate long hours. Like the governors, they were additionally incapable to seize each depart lacking it being authorised first. They had to leave their keys, orders book and report book in the governors workplace before they left the prison site. Working conditions for prison warders softly enhanced from the 1860s onwards. Rise in number of workers meant that by 1864 the warders were allowed a half day off across the week that was normally a Sunday. Even nevertheless Pentonville was recognized as the ideal prison, prisoners yet grasped to get away from it. For example in December 1850 George Hackett, a convict who mastered in bus muggings and had a convict past alongside the Thames police and Mansion House made a getaway from Pentonville . During the investigation, it was discovered that Hackett escaped the police court alongside one more man, and a turnkey had consented a colossal number of money. Hackett was assisting a sentence for an offense that he committed on the 29th May 1850 in that he nearly slayed a police constable. He was sentenced to 15 years of transportation. The investigation arose in powers trusting that the turnkeys had been tampered. The subsequent date on the 4th December, the Times commented on this speculation after once more by uttering that the power inspectors of prisons dispatched an inquiry into a confidential investigation into the getaway of Hackett. They were suspetin that members of the prison sta ff had helped Hackett to get away from the prison that identifies that the bureaucrats at the prison were facilely affected and like Millbank grasped slight manipulation of the convicts.  [6]   It has been shown that the system was incredibly hard for the prisoners to tolerate, the food was scarcely eatable, and bedding was hard for the majority of the time of their sentence. Prisoners were from time to time so hungry that could even eat paper. If they misbehaved next they were subjected to a diet of just bread and water that inspired the starving prisoners to be on their best actions and to stick to the prison rules. The prison surgeon had substantial power to grant prison discharge from labour or need them alongside a larger diet so prisoners discovered methods to injure themselves so that they might circumvent hard labour and get some some extra amountof food. Pentonville prison came to be one of the most challenging signals of the late 1800s. Silence came to be a law inside Pentonville prison and the labour was incredibly long and tiring. Pentonville was run like a machine, alongside set periods and precise routines for everything. The prisoners were needed to do as the y were told and work under system. There was six main convict prisons across Britain- Millbank was utilized as a transportation dept, Pentonville as ideal separation, Portsmouth and Portland for associated labour, Parkhurst for juvenile delinquencies, Brixton was a womans prison and Dartmoor was for invalids that were incapable to participate in labour process.  [7]   The question of control though was re-examined in 1863 alongside the Carnarvon Committee. The number of prisons increased from 187 in 1850 to 125 in 1867. In 1865, prisons encompassing Pentonville yet lacked adequate staff there were merely one thousand warders to cope alongside a prison populace of 8,000 so prisons were struggling to uphold manipulation of their prisoner and convicts so the merely method to make sure that this manipulation was upheld was to make sure that the prisoners were frightened of the system. Countless prisoners did not incline to assist long sentences and it was discovered that in the 1860s approximately 74,000 people were sentenced to imprisonment merely 52,000 were for meant to serve one month or less and of the 12,000 that were sentenced by the elevated courts merely 7,000 were meant to serve up to six months.

Raw and Living Foods Diet Essay -- Health Nutrition Essays

Raw and Living Foods Diet Introduction to the living and raw foods diet Raw and living foods are foods that contain enzymes and have not been heated or cooked in any manner. Raw foodists, or people whose diets consist of at least seventy-five percent raw and living foods, believe in eating an uncooked, unheated, unprocessed and organic plant based diet (http://www.rawfoods.com). Raw foodists hold that the act of cooking food destroys the majority of vitamins, minerals and essential enzymes naturally found in food. These believers also claim that cooking food renders it toxic and is the major cause of health problems (Andrukitas, 1998). The intensity of beliefs held by raw foodists vary with each individual, yet they all support the ideology that cooking is an unnatural process that destroys important and vital nutrients in foods. What are Living and Raw Foods? Living and raw foods are foods that are organic and have not been heated, cooked, or processed in any way. Living and raw foods are foods that are rich in nutrients, vitamins and enzymes. Such enzymes aid the body in the digestion and absorption processes (http://www.rawtimes.com). The difference between living and raw foods is distinguished by the fact that living foods have a higher enzyme content than raw foods. This is true because the enzymes in raw foods are dormant. To activate the enzymes in raw foods, raw foodists simply soak peanuts for example, in water for a period of time until sprouting occurs and the enzymes in the raw food are awakened or brought to life. (http://www.rawfoods.com). What are the Parameters of a Raw Foodist Diet? Raw foodists eat all fruits, vegetables, sprouts, nuts seeds, grains, sea vegetable and many other organic products that ha... ...the raw foodist have adopted the diet that sustained our species long before the world was as it is today. Resources (http://rawfoods.com.html) (http://rawtimes.com.html) Andrukitas, J. (1998). "Raw Courage." Restaurant Hospitality, 82,26-27. Itokawa, Y. and Kimura, M. (1990). "Cooking Losses of Minerals in Foods and Its Nutritional Significance. "Journal of Nutritional Science and Vitaminology, 36, S25-S31. Knickmeyer, E. (1998). "Potholder an Enemy to These Vegetarians; Nutrition: Group gathers to rejoice in the healthful benefits of raw food and the hoped-for demise of cooking." The Los Angeles Times, 10-12. Fry, T.C. (1998) "Is cooked food good for us?" (http.rawfoods.com.html) Rumm-Kreuter, D. and Demmel, I. (1990). "Comparison of Vitamin Losses in Vegetables Due to Various Cooking Methods." Journal of Nurtritional Science and Vitaminology 36, S7-S15.

Owning a business Essay -- essays research papers

OWNING YOUR OWN BUSINESS WITH EMPHASIS ON CHILD CARE CENTERS   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚   INTRODUCTION This paper will discuss ways in order for you to become a business owner as well as how to start your own child care center. Owning a business is not an easy job. There is actually a very complicated and long process to become a small business owner. Before you start to think about what you want to do, you need to ask yourself if you will be committed to this venture. If you are then proceed on with your business however, if you are not then owning a business is probably not for you. With owning your own business, your going to have less personal time then you had previously. Here are some reasons people become entrepreneurs. Many people have a strong desire to be independent, they would rather be their own boss because they don’t take orders from others well. Owning a business is also a chance for owners to work at something they enjoy, they aren’t shoved behind a desk doing filing work for eight hours a day. You are free to operate at your own paces with your own busi ness. Depending on the type of business you own, you have a great opportunity to accumulate great wealth. Purpose and Scope The purpose of this report is to inform readers of the options available to people who want to own their own business. There is also a growing need for child care. So with this need more and more people are deciding to open up child care centers. In this report I will lay out steps in how to start your own business, and what to do from there. Also, pros and cons to owning your own business. Sources and Methods In order to give the information needed to start your own business, I have searched many journals as well as business related books. Internet sources have also help get information. I have also conducted an interview with an owner of a child care center. GETTING STARTED Choosing what kind of business to open is the most important decision to make. Just because you like to make bracelets doesn’t mean you would like running a business making bracelets. You need to think about how much money you want to make, past experiences, attitudes on the business you choose, and your going to need a knowledge and some skills with the choice you make. Pros and Cons With everything else in life there can be advantages and disadvantages to owning a business. There are many... ...a business to run, consider child care. Child care is a growing need. More mothers are going back to work after having children. The children need structure during the hours their parents are away. Those who are too young for school can find a childcare center warm and inviting. Most childcare centers will provide a curriculum that will help your children learn. The people who open and run daycare centers are doing so for a reason. That reason is because they love children. So in conclusion, if your job is going nowhere and you need to start over, consider starting your own business. Also if you like kids and can deal with them properly, consider opening a childcare center. Works Sited Burstiner, Irving. â€Å"The Small Business Handbook.† Third Edition. FIRESIDE Rockefeller Center. New York, NY 1997 Gallagher, Patricia. C. â€Å"Start Your Own Child Care Business† Second Edition. Young Sparrow Press, Worcester, PA 2000 McKeever, Mike. â€Å"How to Write a Business Plan† Sixth Edition. September 2002. WWW.Startingadaycarecenter.com â€Å"Starting a Day Care Center† 2003 WWW.Onlinewbc.gov â€Å"Online Women’s Business Center† 2004 WWW.SBA.gov â€Å"Owning Your Own Business (Pros and Cons)† 2003

Custom Shakespeares Hamlet Essay: Hamlet and Gertrude -- Essays on Sha

Hamlet and the Character of Gertrude  Ã‚        Ã‚   Shakespeare’s sinful woman in the tragedy Hamlet is named Gertrude. Wife of Claudius and mother of the prince, she is not selected by the ghost for vengeance by the protagonist. Let’s consider her story in this essay.    There is no doubt that Gertrude is a sinner in this play. In her book, Shakespeare’s Tragic Heroes, Lily B. Campbell describes the extent of Gertrude’s sin and of her punishment:    And of the Queen’s punishment as it goes on throughout the play, there can be no doubt either. Her love for Hamlet, her grief, the woes that come so fast that one treads upon the heel of another, her consciousness of wrong-doing, her final dismay are those also of one whose soul has become alienated from God by sin.(146)    Courtney Lehmann and Lisa S. Starks in "Making Mother Matter: Repression, Revision, and the Stakes of 'Reading Psychoanalysis Into’ Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet," comment on the contamination of the queen in Shakespeare’s Hamlet:    Hamlet, a play that centres on the crisis of the masculine subject and its "radical confrontation with the sexualized maternal body," foregrounds male anxiety about mothers, female sexuality, and hence, sexuality itself. Obsessed with the corruption of the flesh, Hamlet is pathologically fixated on questions of his own origin and destination -- questions which are activated by his irrepressible attraction to and disgust with the "contaminated" body of his mother. (1)    At the outset of the drama, Hamlet’s mother is apparently disturbed by her son’s appearance in solemn black at the gathering of the court, and she requests of him:      Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚   Good Hamlet, cast thy nighted colour off,   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚   And let thi... ...htm    Campbell, Lily B. Shakespeare’s Tragic Heroes. New York: Barnes and Noble, Inc, 1970.    Coleridge, Samuel Taylor. Lectures and Notes on Shakspere and Other English Poets. London : George Bell and Sons, 1904. p. 342-368. http://ds.dial.pipex.com/thomas_larque/ham1-col.htm    Jorgensen, Paul A. â€Å"Hamlet.† William Shakespeare: the Tragedies. Boston: Twayne Publ., 1985. N. pag. http://www.freehomepages.com/hamlet/other/jorg-hamlet.html    Lehmann, Courtney and Lisa S. Starks. "Making Mother Matter: Repression, Revision, and the Stakes of 'Reading Psychoanalysis Into' Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet." Early Modern Literary Studies 6.1 (May, 2000): 2.1-24 .    Shakespeare, William. The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. Massachusetts Institute of Technology. 1995. http://www.chemicool.com/Shakespeare/hamlet/full.html No line nos.   

Segmentation – a Brief Analysis of Facial Creams

The creative brief c. Look at the Sepals ad ND formulate backwards the positioning. Task 4: Debriefing: Take the case of the client brief of ANT (National Authority for Tourism) and imagine that you are an account person and put all the questions that you would put to a client within a debriefing session in order to clarify yourself so that you can come up with a creative brief. Task 5: Communication channels – Identify relevant communication channels for Avoidance Passport service and define what would be the role of each one in a communication campaign aiming to increase subscription of this service.Task 1 – Sony Triton- Formulate the Position Backwards [Target/need] To mime, entertainment. _Sony_Trillion_ people that watch TV as a means of Information. Spending is the brand of TV sets competitive framework] competing designed by Sony [perceptual mostly with other brands counterclaiming TV sets, as well as with other image- sharing equipment (videophone's, recorders, computers). That best satisfies your need [brand benefit] for brightness and clarity of the portrayed image The reason why is 1 .ART crystal-clear image at an affordable price 2. ROW it is based on a technological innovation – â€Å"triton† which is used specifically for a clearer and brighter image. I en Drank contracted Is reality. Brighter, clearer image , more vivid and resembling Competition a. Formulate the positioning of top 5 players on anti-aging face cream market as you can understand it from their communication in 2008 / 2009. B. Draw up 3: Briefing: Look at the ad named Maxillae and imagine backwards the following: a.Task 2 – Anti-Aging Cream – Formulate the Position Backwards The 5 brands which I will be discussing are: ; Naive QUOI Plus – anti-aging cream, based on commence QUOI for daily or night time usage. This is an anti-aging product, used by both males(Naive Men) and women, with both day and night time editions based on the same key ingredient – commence QUOI, at an affordable price. Product Pop: contains commence QUOI ; Given Power Youth – cream designed for the first signs of aging , based on natural ingredients and for a smoother, more hydrated effect of the skin. This is a cream which most women use regularly, during day time.Consumer Pop: natural ingredients ; La Prairie Anti-Aging Complex Cellular Intervention Cream – advanced anti-aging cream, includes collagen in addition to retinal and hydroxyl acids to reduce the appearance of lines. A more luxurious product, with an estimated price of 200$/ ounce. Product Pop: collagen addition, retinal and hydroxyl acids Task 2 – Anti-Aging Cream – Formulate the Position Backwards ;Erne Laszlo Timeless Skin Age – anti-aging cream appropriate for all skin types. Minimizes under-eye disconsolation, reduces appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, eliminates cow's feet and fine dry lines in eye zone.Formulated with Marine Co llagen Complex and vitamins to reduce lines and signs of fatigue. A cream for mass- consumption. Consumer Pop: marine natural ingredients to reduce lines caused by fatigue ; Clique Anti-Gravity Firming Lift Cream – the cream lifts and firms up skin. Helps erase the looks of lines as it tightens. Renews elasticity by rebuilding natural collagen. Adds cushion into thinning skin through patent-pending technology. This is a cream witch women use mostly during night-time, at an affordable price. Product pop: contains a self-registered formula designed to create a special cushion into skin tangling Ana telling.Task 2 – Anti-Aging Cream – Naive QUOI Plus [Target/need] To modern, dynamic and always on the move women that seek a youthful and Jovial aspect in their skin tone and texture, approximately from 35-4 years old. Is the brand of skin-care, anti-wrinkles cream [perceptual competitive framework] omitting mostly with other brands counterclaiming skin _Naive QUOI Plu s _ care products (creams, serums) , as well as with other products which aim at reducing the signs of aging – natural or chemical substances, medical interventions, additional ways of achieving the same result (massage, a particular diet).

Vacant Chapter 14 Home

â€Å"Margie's been coming by every night to make sure I have food or whatever. We would talk for a little while.† Emily stops and looks toward the door. â€Å"I'm guessing she hasn't shown up tonight because she saw the car out front.† I yawn, but not because I'm bored. I could listen to Emily talk forever about the six days I missed out on. I'm exhausted though and the days I went without restful sleep are showing. â€Å"You are so tired, Ethan. We can do this tomorrow.† Her hand slides down my face as a warm smile takes over her features. I stand to head toward the bedroom, and she turns to make her bed on the couch. â€Å"Emily?† I question her. â€Å"I was hoping we could go to bed.† The, â€Å"well, duh,† look she gives me, and then returns to making her bed tells me she's not understanding my meaning. â€Å"No, ummm†¦Ã¢â‚¬  Why am I so nervous to say this? I roll my eyes at myself. â€Å"Like, together,† I say as I step to the doorway of the bedroom, â€Å"in here.† Her eyes get huge, owl huge, and I realize my mistake. â€Å"No! Not like that. I just†¦.† I have messed up so much; I want to get something right, so I pause and collect my thoughts. â€Å"No more sleeping on the couch, Emily. We're adults who love each other. I don't want to be apart anymore. Come to bed with me and sleep. Nothing else.† I want her to understand that I'm not pushing. I want her close, but I don't want her to be uncomfortable. This is a monumental step forward for us. â€Å"You, me, pajamas, and sleeping†¦Ã¢â‚¬  I decide that perhaps a little lighthearted humor won't hurt. â€Å"And maybe a little more of the kissing.† I will behave. I put on full length pajama pants – over my boxers – and t-shirt. I get under the sheet, lie flat on my back and cross my hands over my stomach. I wait. Patiently? No. Emily enters the bedroom from the bathroom, and I can tell she's nervous. I'm not sure if her anxiety is because of the prospect of sleeping with me or that she is wearing a tank and panty set I'm pretty sure was intended for a toddler and not a full grown woman. I can see her nipples. And her†¦I'm definitely in trouble. Do I tell her? I have no idea what the protocol is for divulging sexual history to a prospective mate. Mate? I roll my eyes at myself again as images of Emily and me wrapped in fur coverings shoot through my mind. I'm running around with a spear shouting, â€Å"Me man, you woman.† It's totally ridiculous that I've reverted to a prehistoric mindset. If I were a caveman, I'd have an easier time with the subject at hand. I'd just grab Emily and shove my penis in her vagina with nothing more than grunts. Being without conversational language skills has its advantages; there's no way to explain everything. My thoughts have veered off course, and I need to focus on the woman crawling up the bed like a cat hunting a mouse. Even though I haven't admitted it to myself, this is one of the reasons I'm so afraid of this thing with Emily. Sex and the topic of sex have always been off the table with her. We have never discussed previous experiences. I'd always assumed Emily was a virgin, but maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part since she came to me at a young age. I'm not naive enough to think that teenage girls aren't having sex. I just didn't want Emily to be one of them. Being nervous about Emily's sexual experience, or lack thereof, isn't my only reason for pause. I don't know whether or not I should divulge my history. Part of me thinks it plays a huge part in things, while the other part of me says it doesn't matter. I'm torn and don't know which is right. I know honesty is the best policy, but will it do more harm than good in this case? â€Å"Ethan?† I look up and see those expressive eyes. She needs my comfort and acceptance. Even though I made it clear we are only sleeping tonight, it seems like she is still trying to persuade me to do more. How else would you explain the tiny underwear and feline-like movements? If I don't stop this dead in its tracks now, I know I won't. Things will go too far too fast. I open my arms in invitation, hoping she gets the message without hurt feelings. â€Å"Just lay down with me.† Why is she giggling? The haze from sleep is slowly lifting, and the morning sun shines through the window. I want to recap the events of last night before I open my eyes and look at the most important person in my life. â€Å"Ethan?† Emily whispers. â€Å"Hmmm,† I answer to let her know I'm awake. Her hand is on my stomach, under my shirt, where she strokes the hair just above my belly button. â€Å"Can I touch it?† Emily breathes in a hushed tone. My eyebrows furrow with my eyes still closed. â€Å"Touch what?† Another giggle. Emily's hand slides down a little further, and a finger dips inside the waist of my pajamas. Whoa! I grab her wrist to still her movement, but she tugs away. â€Å"I want this, Ethan. I want this with you. Please don't make me beg you.† The last thing I want is for Emily to connect negative feelings to sex with me, but I never came to a resolution last night. I am not sure how much to tell her, but I don't think dwelling on it any longer will help me decide. I'm going to have to throw a bone and see her response. â€Å"We need to talk, Emily.† â€Å"Later.† It's a bold statement on her part, but I can't deny her as her hand moves under my waistband. I'm ashamed to say that I've denied her touch for too long, and I don't want to wait for another second. Her lips move to mine, my mouth automatically opening. I want nothing more than to swallow her whole but settle for the caress of her tongue on mine. Her fingers play under my pants, flirting with the idea of moving lower. My hands have been flat against the mattress until now, but I can't stop their journey to her arms, then back. Knowing she is touching me intimately gives me the courage to do the same. My hand floats to the crest of her ass, gliding across her flesh. She moans, giving me the courage to extend my caress to her bare flesh beneath her panties. My touch is tentative because I want to get this right. â€Å"Yes,† comes her strangled plea. We continue kissing with nips and tugs of lips and teeth; my hand moves to the top of her thigh, then down to the dip where her ass meets her legs. She pushes toward me, her pussy opening to meet my waiting hand. I don't have to search far before encountering slick skin, eager for my attention. Her breath stutters as my fingers begin to move, stroking her. Her hand moves to touch me, her thumb rubbing my head, spreading the pre-cum. Her touch feels so good that I move my mouth away from hers, fearful I'll bite her. Instead, my teeth graze her jaw then continue to move lower. My mouth waters at the thought of tasting more of her. I've imagined what her nipples look like – taste like. I want to know that my fantasies don't compare, even a small portion, to the reality. But this is not a fantasy. This is someone I care about, dream about, someone who matters and this has to be right. I pull her tank down, exposing her breasts. My mouth immediately latches on, suckling and lapping at the darkened peak. My fingers massage while my tongue caresses, and in only a few seconds, Emily is panting and writhing. Her head falls to my chest as she stiffens in my arms. I've never felt so satisfied, despite not having my own release. But it doesn't matter, because I know that this is only the beginning. This is the first of many gifts I hope to give her. After I make her get dressed completely, we sit at the kitchen table for a much needed discussion. â€Å"So, you've never†¦.?† I start. â€Å"No.† While I'm deliriously happy Emily is a virgin, I also know the pain associated with the first time for a woman, and I'm not looking forward to inflicting that. I want to give her pleasure, not pain. â€Å"What about you?† Emily asks followed by a big gush of air. â€Å"Never mind; that's a stupid question. Of course you have. I mean, look at you.† I open my mouth to answer her, but she doesn't let me. â€Å"No, tell me. I want to know. How many?† And there lies the crux of my problem. I'm afraid to tell her, because if she knows, will she still trust me with her most precious gift?